3 Ways the Church Fails the Mentally Ill

Imagine your daughter has a broken arm. For some reason, the doctor has determined that it would be unwise to put her arm in a cast. The wound is real, and it will take at least several weeks to heal, but for some reason, the doctor has chosen not to bind up the arm. Your daughter is old enough to understand how to take of her injury, and she must limit her activities just like anyone else with a broken arm.

There’s a problem. Without that cast on her arm, how will other people know that her arm is broken? How will her friends know that she can’t play softball, whether she wants to or not? Will Mr. Stephens, her gym teacher, believe her when she tells him that she is not allowed to do pushups? At the very least, we can guess that strangers will think your daughter is rude when she refuses to shake hands.

You know that she has a very good reason to avoid all these activities. She has a broken arm. She physically cannot do pushups, and she finds it painful to play softball or even to shake hands. But other people can’t see her injury. Even if she tells them about her arm, they don’t see a cast. Some may doubt her. Others will believe her, but will come back next week and ask her again to do these impossible tasks, simply because they don’t understand that this is an injury that will take time to heal.

Now, imagine that instead of a broken arm, your daughter has a mental illness. Your daughter suffers from a clinically diagnosed life-altering, long-term handicap that no one can see. When your daughter’s friends ask her to play on the swing set, her phobia of heights literally forces her to decline. When her teacher invites her on a class trip, her anxiety disorder prevents her from going along, even if it means her grades will suffer. When a stranger meets your daughter, they find her odd, even rude, because her autism spectrum disorder leads her to act in ways that they can’t understand.

I have a disability that you cannot see, and when I have described it to my fellow Christians, I have seen three responses by well-intentioned church members that, if you’ll pardon the pun, drive me crazy. I am a person in (at least) the second or third generation of my family to suffer from a clinically diagnosed anxiety disorder. I partially manage it with medication, and I’m doing very well, thank you. However, there are times in my life when I need to explain my medical problem to people. There are certain little things I do, like sitting on the end of the row in the movie theater, which help keep me comfortable, when otherwise, for no particularly logical reason,  I wouldn’t be. When I have described my condition to other followers of Jesus, I have had a mixed reaction. Here are three responses I consider failures:

1. Disbelief – some people act as if my anxiety disorder is not real. Or perhaps they believe that my condition is so minor that I am complaining with no good reason. After all, most people consider themselves pretty good observers, and if they’ve never noticed my anxiety disorder, it must not be that bad. To me this response demonstrates a lack of mercy. Such a reaction fails to hear Jesus’ words, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy” Matthew 5:7.
2. Demonology – some Christians assume that mental illness is the result of demonic influence in my life, or the result of some ongoing sin issue. This person’s gut reaction is to first figure out whose fault the mental illness is, and then to overcome it with prayer. Though it is clear in scripture that illness is sometimes the result of sin or even supernatural influence, it is just as clear that illness is not always someone’s fault. Jesus addressed this issue when “his disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life’” John 9:2-3.
3. Disregard – some people believe me that I have a mental illness, and genuinely feel bad for me. But after a week, or a couple of weeks, or a month, they become irritated that my mental illness has not yet gone away. It’s as if they treat me like the victim of a crime, who at first deserves their sympathy, but after a while they wonder, “Shouldn’t he have gotten over this already?” Besides a disregard for my feelings, this irritation at my weaknesses seems to me to come from a disregard for one’s own weaknesses. I realize that I am not perfect, physically or spiritually. But neither are you. Just as I may inconvenience you from time to time, so you may inconvenience me, and yet you are still worthy of my respect and deserving of my kindness. In fact, we have been commanded, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves” Philippians 2:3.

These three responses are failures because they hurt. I know perfectly well that these people did not wake up and decide to behave rudely to people with mental illnesses. In fact, these are all examples drawn from my friends’ and family’s behavior. These are people who care for me, but who have responded in ways that hurt. I mention this not in order to garner sympathy but in order to educate. Other mentally ill people I know have experienced the same sorts of snubs and rude comments. Let me give you an alternative. Let me suggest the following as a better response. Treat this person as if they have an injury you cannot see. Treat them like you would your daughter with the broken arm. A mentally ill person who tells you they are mentally ill is generally well-informed enough to tell you what they can and can’t do.

1. Believe them. If I tell you I can’t stand being in a traffic jam when someone else is driving, I am telling you that my body will do strange things to me if I put myself in that situation. (Specifically, this situation would cause my body to release chemicals which cause feelings of pure panic. There is no logical reason for these feelings, but I have observed myself enough to know that I ought to avoid this situation.) I do not suggest catering to a mentally ill person’s every whim. They don’t get to pick what kind of pizza you order. But if they explain their limitations for you, believe them. You can only see them on the outside, but God knows that they may be suffering. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” I Samuel 16:7b.
2. Encourage them to live healthy normal lives. If they are taking care of themselves and figuring out how to live a full life, treat them just like you would any other person with a limitation. If my friend with food allergies finds a good cookie recipe he can eat, I encourage him. If my blind friend makes himself some Braille dice so he can play games, I tell him how awesome that is. As long as a mentally ill person is getting his or her needs taken care of, treat them with respect and encourage their efforts toward a normal life. If a mentally ill person refuses any kind of medical help, tell them they are shooting themselves in the foot. Like any handicap, temporary or permanent, professionals can help. Just as you wouldn’t want your daughter to play softball with a broken arm, you wouldn’t want your manic-depressive brother to go off his medication without talking to his doctor. “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” I Thessalonians 5:11.
3. Be patient. Some mental illnesses eventually go away. Some can be completely conquered with therapy. (As I understand, phobias can often be reduced or overcome with the right help.) But some mental illnesses are long-term. If your friend has seen a doctor, and is doing what he can to manage his handicap, be patient with him. Making him feel guilty for not getting better is illogical and counterproductive. If I made you feel like a failure because you still couldn’t see out of your glass eye, I would be a huge jerk. Don’t be like that, be patient. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” Romans 12:12.

Ultimately, how you choose to respond to someone with a mental illness says more about you than it does about them. My goal in this essay has been to point out a blind spot that has caused hurt feelings inside the Christian community. My hope is not that you feel guilty. My hope is that you choose to change the way you respond to the mentally ill, so that you behave more like Jesus Christ, who loved and challenged and encouraged people whether they were sick or well, rich or poor. My desire for you is that you will know the joy God has in store for you, and that you will share it with your mentally ill friends and loved ones in a way that shows no rudeness or ignorance. I strongly suggest that you ask your friends directly if there is a way they would prefer to be treated, or if there is something you do that shows disrespect for their handicap. After all, these have been my opinions, and I might just be crazy.